"They tell me I'm crazy but you told me I'm golden..."


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Danse Macabre

So, I've got this amazing gadget on my desktop (take that, Mac) that shows me a different sacred site every day. I've been learning quite a lot about many different religions and what they consider to be holy. (One of those is a hot springs. I like the way they think.) Anyway, since I'm a fan of the macabre, I thought I would share with you some of the more interesting places they've shown me, along with some other cool stuff I've come up with over the years.


The first one is the Capuchin Catacombs of Palermo. In this underground city lie the bodies of hundreds of men, women and children dating from the 1600s to the mid-1900s. At first, it was used only for dead friars. Later, though, it became a symbol of status to be entombed in the catacombs. Meaning, if you had enough money, they would allow you to be buried there. However, once the donations stopped, you'd be put on a shelf to... well, rot. People would ask to be interred in their everyday garb or in their Sunday best, forever on display in this macabre tourist attraction. The image shown here is of a two-year-old who died in the 1920s of pneumonia. She has been nicknamed "Sleeping Beauty."

The next one is called the Roskilde Domkirke (don't ask me how to pronounce it, it's Danish). It houses the coffins of 21 kings and 18 queens of Denmark, including King Christian IV (the tomb of whom is shown here) and Queen Margarethe. It was built in 980, but founded in 1170. It has been used as a royal mausoleum since the 15th century.

The next one was built by someone with a lot of time on their hands. And their heads. And their femurs. And, you know, thousands of other bones. It's called the Sedlec Ossuary in the Czech Republic, and it's made of human bones. It was originally a place to bury those who had died of the black death, started by Abbot Henry in 1278. By 1318, over 30,000 bodies had been interred there. This made it necessary to build an ossuary. The ossuary itself dates from 1511 when a half-blind monk was given the task to gather the bones from the abolished graves and put them in the crypt to make place for new "customers." It is still a tourist attraction, but no one has been buried there in hundreds of years.

Finally, the Isla de las Munecas, or Island of Dolls. This creepy place was built by Julian Santana to honor the spirit of a young girl who drowned in the river, and who is said to haunt the island. He built her an altar, and began hanging dolls from the trees to appease the spirit. In fact, he even traded the fresh produce he would grow for old, discarded dolls.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Full moon blues

Usually, during a full moon, Wolfie and I go to our own separate padded cells (feel free to make jokes about that, I've heard them all) and mind our own business, which in my case means sleeping (according to Monte). Usually.

Last night, when Monte came down to check on me, I was fully awake and aggressive, attacking the bars and growling at the slightest noise. When I awoke this morning, I had an eye-watering, spots-in-my-vision, throbbing headache and my knee was busted despite the padding on the cell walls. When I asked Monte what had happened, she shuddered and didn't say anything. This was most disconcerting. It appears Wolfie is no worse for the wear, however.

This was the first transformation in this new house--a clue? The people who last owned the house were scholars who specialized in the categorization of nonhumans. They had a lovely garden with rosemary, St. John's wort and monkshood (which Captain Stumpy had to remove before we could move in) in the backyard, which might account for my bout of madness--but that doesn't say anything about Wolfie's lack of side effects. So I went back into the cell today and discovered something infinitely more sinister than a bit of wolfsbane.

What had made Monte shudder was not my aggressive behavior, but the boxes and boxes of journals, notes and instruments of research the previous owners had apparently forgotten in the basement--the room right next to my cell. There were feathers from every conceivable mythical bird; phoenix feathers, quetzalcoatl feathers and hippogriff feathers among others. I also found pelts of various animals, ranging from rabbits and bakenekos to bugbears and *gulp* werewolves. It was in this box that I stopped, though there were many others.

Obviously, I asked Captain Stumpy to do something with them, but I kept the boxes of journals for Daft, Aerin and Tala to review. I have thumbed through many of them already. They are scientifically interesting, containing notes on many garden-variety nonhumans, as well as more intimidating ones. I hope they shall serve a higher purpose in their hands--and not in mine!

Signing out,

Fireball

P.S. No luck with the tea thief. He's onto me. I shall have to devise something more crafty.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Mystery of the Stolen Tea

Tea and I have a very special relationship. I love the smell of tea shops, the aroma of a freshly-brewed cupppa, the blisters I get when I sip before letting it cool down--everything. I even have my own stash of tea which no one dares infiltrate unless given permission from me (which must be signed and in triplicate). No one, that is, except the Tea Thief.

One of my favorite teas in the stash is vanilla honey chamomile. The bags, while individual, come in twos so that you have to tear them apart before using them. While I have been merrily chipping away at this box, I have noticed something unusual. Whenever I use one bag, I carefully put the other back into the box, but when I return to make another cup, the other bag is gone! I have noticed this only happens when I leave one of the unattached bags in the box. I have thus devised a trap to catch the thief (which I suspect is a Brownie). I have just brewed a cup of the tea in question, thus leaving a singlet in the box. However, I have put a hole in the other bag so when the little guy takes it, it will leave a trail of tea leaves and spices behind, thus leading me to it's nefarious lair. We shall see if he falls into my trap.

Signing Out,

Fireball

Thursday, April 15, 2010

High heels and Milk bottles


Whenever an occasion to wear high heels presents itself, I normally jump on the opportunity (but not too high for fear of breaking my ankle). Masochistically, I actually enjoy the look of high heels. I do not, however, enjoy the results of the aforementioned activity.

Ninja, Monte and I are singers sometimes. Yesterday, we all had the opportunity to sing at a retirement home for a kind of charity concert--an occasion which called for looking classy. Granted, it didn't require that I wear four-inch-high open-toe spectator pumps, but this was a matter of professional integrity! (Not really.) Today, there is an open wound the size of a pencil eraser on my left heel, and my right pinky toe has been complaining all day and threatening to develop a blister. Next time I decide wearing heels is a good idea, get out the wolfsbane and silver bullets. Put me out of my misery beforehand.

So, as I was eating this morning's doughnut (and weeping silently at the shoe choice of the day before), I saw something on the milk bottle that said "Everything we say and do begins and ends with the customer." A perfectly benign statement. However, as I began to imagine this, I couldn't help but give in to my geekiness and imagine the html coding for this image.

Farmer: [the customer] Betsy is worth way more than that! [/the customer]
Buyer: But she has only two spots. I sill not pay more than that for a cow with only two spots.
Farmer: [the customer] Dinah has five spots. I would gladly sell Dinah to you. [/the customer]
Buyer: I don't want Dinah, though.

*clears throat* Not sure what deep corner of my mind that dialogue came from, but I giggled at the thought of farmers who speak in html. Call me weird. Go ahead, I accepted my identity long ago.

By the way, if you were expecting this to make sense, prepare to say goodbye to your sanity, for you have entered the wrong blog.

Signing Out,

Fireball

Monday, April 12, 2010

An Introduction

Hey all!

Since this is my first-ever blog, I thought I would share some introductory things with you, my new reader. Forgive the length.

First off, most of the scenarios here will be based on reality. Scary, I know. However, even if you have something against reality (and who doesn't, frankly), I advise you not to leave--there will only be a smattering.

Secondly, the names you will see here might just be too much awesomeness for you to handle. But I have faith in you, reader! Keep a firm grip on your insanity!

So, let me introduce myself. You can call me Fireball. I'm a young woman with big dreams and many hobbies, the foremost of which is writing. I have blonde hair and green eyes (except when they're yellow, but I'll get to that) and a nasty habit of transforming into a wolf every full moon (see? I told you). I spend my time crocheting minions for myself (including dragons, ninjas, and even the Lord of Madness himself, Cthulhu) when I'm not translating ancient documents and writing long dissertations that will probably never be read by anyone. I am terminally airheaded and recreationally responsible, and I sometimes find those two parts of me at war. But enough about my nature.

My twin goes by Monte. She is, unfortunately, a vampire, but this doesn't hinder our relationship. Most of the time. Strangely, however, she prefers to be awake during the day and asleep during the night, a phenomenon we have explored but never found a conclusive answer to. I, on the other hand, prefer to sleep only when necessary (i.e. when everyone else is usually awake and functioning), another phenomenon my physicians have unsuccessfully tried to correct. She is the cool, logical one who you never suspect is angry until her fangs are embedded into your neck. She spends her time drawing life as she perceives it and then drawing life as others perceive it and then drawing unlife and so on. She finds the living a fascinating bunch, but prefers not to meddle in their affairs.

Allow me to introduce some of the coolest people (I use this term loosely) on Earth.

Tala is one of my packmates. She's one of the more experienced werewolves, and the only one I know that isn't related to me. She has kindly opened her apartment to me for full moons, cookie parties, soda keggers and movie binges. She, like Monte, is an artist, but her specialty is the computer, whereas Monte's specialty is pencil and paper.

Daft is the leader of a secret cult. Oh, I'm allowed to say that--everyone knows that about him. He's not secretly the leader of a cult. It's the nature of the cult I'm not allowed to divulge. I'm not certain he has any followers, but the cult is most definitely in existence. Whereas individuals gifted with brilliance normally eschew functionality, Daft has both which makes him a dangerous enemy or a valuable ally. I am fairly certain Daft isn't human--I think he is of an alien race who prize intellect and creativity over all else. But the jury is still out on that one.

Aerin is Daft's lovely wife. She is an elf who loves nothing so much as gardening, raising cats and lighting things on fire. Fortunately, she doesn't mix her three hobbies. She is kind and caring to all living creatures (except those who pose a threat) and is usually placid and easygoing. Her baking skills are unmatched anywhere in the region, and her garden is a known safe haven for fairies and all other ethereal beings.

The Mighty Pink Overlord (and ninja extraordinaire) may not feature too much here due to the fact that she will soon be leaving, but she is worth mentioning. Although she will be thousands of miles away, I've no doubt she will still have some measure of control over here. She is a dwarf, but don't be fooled by her small exterior--it just means her power is more condensed. She has command over a might league of minions, and she rules them with a steel d20. I mean, iron fist. No, I really meant steel d20. The size of her fist. *shudder*

Then there's Ninja. Her true identity is unknown, but her powers are evident anywhere she goes. She is of similar stature (but different race, being a fairy) to The Mighty Pink Overlord (which makes me suspect you can only be a ninja if you are constantly below people's line of sight) but as in the case of TMPO, Ninja is just raw, condensed power. She has told me (and I believe her) that she has controlled my werewolf side with just a look. When not on duty, she is a compassionate well of love, but when she dons her black uniform, she's a killing machine.

These are the people (again, loose terminology) I live with and/or am related to

The Matron. She is a just, fair ruler whose patience outmatches that of a brick wall, despite her relatively young age. Even though she is my mother, she is not a werewolf nor is she a vampire. She is one of the few humans I know. Despite the common view of humans, this one is tremendously compassionate toward beings like Monte and I. Possibly because we're her offspring, but one doesn't necessarily guarantee the other. She teaches at a school for nonhumans, and spend her spare time (whatever that is) learning everything she can about everything.

Captain Stumpy is my stepfather. He's not a "stump" so much as he's a walking tree. Ironically, he served as captain of the fire brigade for many years before finally taking root (and I'm not even charging extra for the puns today). He is still a hardworking individual with morals and convictions as strong and stubborn as himself.

Wolfie is one of my older brothers. He's a werewolf, as well. His talent with musical instruments is enough to make the ghost of J. S. Bach jealous. (I know this for a fact. He showed up once to watch Wolfie play and just scowled, muttering something like "Why couldn't I be that good?") He is gifted in just about anything he sets his mind to, but the trouble is getting him to set his mind to it. He's a lovable guy when he's not biting your arm off.

Princess Tiger is his wife, a shapechanger who frequently takes on the appearance of a tigress (thus the name). Her mood is as mutable as her form, but most of the time she's an upbeat woman with a big heart and a knack for giving massages. She, too, could do anything she sets her mind too. But, again, therein lies the rub.

The Elder. I'm not entirely certain what his origins are, nor what race he is. His domed, bald head contains vast universes of knowledge, which he mostly uses to complete crossword puzzles in pen in a matter of minutes. He has refined counting to an art, and has the ability to calculate traveling time to the second. He is a fascinating creature, to be sure, but I have not had the time to study him in depth due to his reclusive nature.

Well, that's all I can think of. As other names come up, I will attempt to do them justice. No guarantees, though.

Signing Out,

Fireball